HalfBaked Ideas
by Valkace
Summary: Story ideas in the embryo stage. The stories may get developed, depending on if I can run enough ideas together. Good for a laugh, at least.
1. Chapter 1

Welcome to **Half-Baked Ideas **with crazy on top!

Any scribble or drabble I do that's not its own fic will go in here.

This idea just came to me and asked to get put out. I couldn't refuse a nice idea like that.

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><p><strong>Half-Baked Idea 1:<strong>

**(BtVS) Xander Harris in Dragon Age: Origins.**

Duncan examined the empty Joining goblet and looked again at the comatose figure snoring on the ground. He nudged the man with his foot.

"Hmwa? Huh?" The man stirred.

"Who are you, and why are you here?" Duncan asked, drawing his knife.

"Uhhh," the man responded, "I'm Xander. Where's here?"

(to be expanded)

* * *

><p><strong>...In the Circle Tower...<strong>

"Resistance!" whined the Uldred-Pride-Demon, "Everywhere I go. Resistance!"

"Well, you know why, right?" Xander asked, pointing his sword at the nearest abomination.

"Because humans are obstinate and insufferable!" Uldred gestured angrily.

Xander snorted. "No, man, it's because we have pride."

Uldred froze. "What?"

Xander gestured at the abominations. "The guys take one look at what you turn them into and think, 'I'll never get chicks if I look like that!' So they resist."

"But they get such power for accepting this!"

Xander nodded. "Yes, but what do you do with power?"

Uldred was silent.

"Okay. That's a point I hadn't considered." Uldred admitted.

Xander waved a hand towards the captive female mages. "The girls look at that and think 'Eww! I'll lose all my hair! I can't wear lipstick or jewelry! Look at the size of those thighs...er, that thigh!'"

Uldred gaped at Xander. "Are you serious?"

"I'd rather look like Wynne than look like that." Morrigan said bluntly.

"You're so kind," Wynne murmured.

Morrigan gestured dismissively. "I only said that because I would rather look like you when I age than look like my mother."

Wynne bowed her head at Morrigan. "Thank you for that much, at least."

Uldred shook his head and looked at Xander. "You're joking. You've got to be joking."

Xander shook his head. "Nope."

"You can't find a dress for that size!" Wynne said angrily. "And...that..shape! Ugh!"

"Could you even get shoes for that?" Leliana asked. "And, even if you could, I don't think they'd help much."

Uldred turned to look at the women. "You're not even thinking about the power you could get?"

Alistair shook his head."The complexion is all wrong. The cosmetics would cost a fortune."

All the women in the room nodded.

"You are _so_ not the one I wanted to hear that from, but well said," Xander muttered.

"You wound me! Have I ever said anything bad to you?" Alistair mock-sniffed.

"You suggested wearing dresses and dancing the Remigold? Down the Darkspawn line?"

"Oh, come on! I said that's where I drew the line! You know! If the king had asked...I'll shut up now."

"Please don't," Morrigan pleaded, "I want to see if you can get more of your foot in your mouth."

"Keep your foot fetish to yourself, please!" Alistair glared at Morrigan.

"I don't have a foot fetish," Morrigan replied. "That's Leliana. I just like to watch."

"Well, keep your voyeuristic tendencies to yourself, then, please!"

"Please don't talk about other people's...likes and dislikes...on front of everybody like that. It's not polite," Leliana interjected, "and you really shouldn't do it in public...in case there are children present."

Morrigan grinned, trying to think of what else she could get Leliana to admit to.

"Well, damn," Uldred said, "This plan's shot to hell. I mean, I can still make it work, but that's more effort than I really want to use to seize the world."

Xander nodded in agreement. "I know what you mean. Besides, you'd rather work with a person's pride than against it, right?"

Uldred's eyes widened. "You understand! Finally, someone at least understands!"

"Yeah, sorry. Didn't mean to offend you with the resisting earlier."

"You won't resist, then? You'll accept?"

"Of course not!" Xander said, "Can't get any chicks like that. Weren't you listening?"

"Right, I forgot," Uldred snapped his fingers. "My bad."

"Best retreat back to the Fade for now and try again with a new plan later", Xander suggested

"Retreat, maybe, but not to the Fade. Why to the Fade?" Uldred stroked his chin thoughtfully.

Xander grinned. "Because all Templar forces within Ferelden are about to arrive at the only door to the Tower. And there are no spells that would save you from a fall if you tried to leap from up here...which I do think is a serious oversight for any magic system."

Uldred sagged. "This is waaay harder than it should be. *Sigh* To hell with it. I'm going back to the Fade."

The mages in the room breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh. Irving, promise me you'll work on a spell to save a person from a fall?" Uldred asked.

"It is a great error to not have one. I'll do everything I can to remediate that," First Enchanter Irving lied through his teeth.

"Thanks, I appreciate that. Really." Uldred raised his arms to shoulder level and...went blank.

As Uldred began to sag, Xander swung and decapitated him. Uldred's head bounced on the floor and rolled away a few feet.

Xander looked around for the abominations. There were none; the mages who had been turned were lying unconcious on the ground.

"Well, huh," Xander said, "Wasn't quite expecting that, but I won't argue."

"Why did you kill Uldred?" Wynne asked, "We have trials...processes...before execution."

"Because Commander Gregoir would probably not stop the Rite of Annulment if Uldred was alive," Xander said, cleaning his sword, "because he would not have been able to tell if Uldred was trying to trick him."

"Also, we don't know if the demon really went back to the Fade or was faking it," Alistair added.

"It's not like the Circle holds trials for apostates or maleficar. Why change now?" Morrigan asked.

Irving shook his head. "My Backcountry Reserve is not helping anymore," he said, "I think I need to open the Golden Scythe."

"I'll help," Wynne volunteered.

"Excuse me?" One of the female captive mages asked Xander. "Can I borrow you for a little bit? I made an Oath that I need your help with."

"I can never refuse doe eyes," Xander replied. "Lead me." The mage took Xander's hand and began to walk away.

"Hey!" One of the other female mages shouted. "We need help with our Oaths, too!"

Wynne snorted.

"Don't worry," Xander said, "I'm all about the help. We'll get it taken care of. Ok?"

Wynne was turning red and silently shaking, while trying to keep a straight face.

The female mages and Xander disappeared down the stairs.

Wynne fell down on the floor and rolled, laughing out loud,"Haha! Woohoohoo! Hahaha!"

Irving glanced at her disapprovingly. "Mage Oaths are serious, Wynne. I would not laugh at them. Or take them lightly."

"Heehee!" Wynne chortled, "I know! Haha! It's just – *snort* heehee – I know what Oath they made! Oohaha!"

Irving sighed. "Please forgive her. She's almost never like this."

"Speak for yourself," Alistair grinned, "I'm never letting her forget rolling around laughing like a child."

Morrigan, careful to make sure she was behind Alistair where he couldn't see her, nodded in agreement.

After a few minutes, Wynne calmed herself – somewhat – and stood up. "Most young female mages may seem...aloof, or uninterested in relationships in their early years."

"There's a reason for that?" Irving asked. "I...er, most of the guys thought it was a side effect of the Fade making you all more serious."

"There is a legend that female mages have whispered to female initiates for – since long before my time," Wynne explained, "The legend is that, *snort* if a female mage is about to suffer a horrible fate and she makes an Oath to give her virginity to whoever gets her out of it, she will be rescued."

"I see," Irving said, "I think. Has this legend ever proven true?"

Wynne burst out laughing.

Morrigan looked towards the stairs Xander and the mages had disappeared down. "I think it did today."

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><p>AN: Commentssuggestions for improvement/development appreciated. Thanks!


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Crossover idea of (BtVS) Xander in Mass Effect.

Note: For readers not familiar with Mass Effect who want to know what's going on, details can be found at the Mass Effect Wikia site.

x**  
><strong>

**Half-Baked Ideas 2:**

**How Xander Became A Spectre**

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><p>x<p>

"Commander," General Septimus Oraka said, "What do you want?"

"General," Xander replied, "What do _you_ want?"

"To not be bothered," the Turian replied.

"By nosy people who want nothing more than for you to do what they say," Xander added. "I understand you completely. May I join you for a drink?"

"Look, kid, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but...don't waste your time"

"Sure thing," Xander turned to his group. "Ashley, Kaidan, grab yourselves a booth and a drink. It's a mission, so I'm covering."

"I don't drink on duty, sir," Ashley Williams said.

"Me either," Kaidan Alenko added.

Xander nodded. "Understood. This is unusual, but you're on a mission and having a drink is the price of staying. I'd rather you not get drunk, but either grab a drink and sit down or head back to the Normandy."

Ashley rubbed her hands. "Sir, I can't imagine getting out of an Article 15 or explaining this on my record, so I think take your offer and head back to the ship."

"Understood, Ashley. You're going to be a good officer."

"Thank you, sir." Ashley replied. She saluted, turned around and left.

"Kaidan?" Xander asked.

"Sir, I know I could get in trouble, but I want to stay and see what you do."

Xander grinned. "That, my friend, is how you become a great officer. Pull up a chair and join us, young Grasshopper."

Xander grabbed drinks from the bar. "Anything for you, General? No? Young Grasshopper, have a Grasshopper."

Xander sat down and took a long drink from his tall glass.

"You know why I let you sit down?" Septimus asked Xander.

"Because alcohol and combat are jail buddies," Xander replied.

Septimus snorted and raised his glass. "Too right."

"Sorry? I'm not following?" Kaidan asked.

"Drink first," Xander said.

"Then ask," Septimus added.

Kaidan took a drink.

"Fighting and drinking are both despised by the...polite elements of civilization," Xander explained, "You don't drink with someone who doesn't drink any more than you let someone who won't fight have your back in one."

"I...see. I think," Kaidan said.

"Polite society and the military need each other," Septimus took another drink, "but they have never trusted each other, at least not fully."

"You Turians are lucky," Xander said, sipping on his own drink, "Most of your species has a military bent, so you don't have as much polite society as we poor humans."

Septimus snorted. "Yeah, but we've had to deal with the Asari and other races for longer than you. The galactic community is pretty much all...polite society. Except for the Salarians. They're pretty good about cutting to the chase."

"Yeah, probably their short lifespans."

"Sometimes, I think they're lucky to have a short lifespan. Well, maybe not that short. You humans are a little better," Septimus mused.

Xander nodded. "You live long enough, you see a lot of hell, don't you?"

"You live in politics long enough, you see hell," Septimus snorted.

x

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><p>x<p>

The three members of the Citadel Council strode into the Alliance Embassy, startling Ambassador Udina and Captain Anderson. Udina and Anderson hastily closed the confidential files they were reviewing.

"What can we do for you, Councilors?" Udina rose to greet them.

"What is the meaning of this?" roared the Turian Councilor.

"Meaning of what?" Anderson asked. "I believe we're in the dark as much as you are."

The Turian councilor opened the holovid to the Citadel News Network. An apparently inebriated General Septimus Oraka was leaning on a human – Xander – and making a statement. "...I hereby resign the [CENSORED] Turian Fleet and am joining Starfleet...wait – what was it?" Septimus looked at Xander for help. "Right. (hic) I hereby announce that I am applying to join the Sipstems...Shiptems? Whatever. Alliance. For ships and giggles."

The feed switched to a human newsperson. "There you have it. After a lifetime – many lifetimes for us humans – of loyal service to his people, General Septimus Oraka is taking up a new fight. This is Emily Wong; thank you for tuning in."

The Turian Councilor seemed to be glaring harder, but it was hard to tell with them. "How dare you, Udina? General Oraka is our most senior officer! Do you have any idea how rare an officer with a _thousand_ years of experience is? You can't just take him away from us like that!"

"I understand your concern, Councilor," Udina said soothingly, "Our whole civilization has never had an individual with a thousand years of experience, much less a warrior and an officer. But please understand, Councilor: it is clear from the news feed that the Systems Alliance did not make a bribe or offer to General Oraka. The Systems Alliance is as much in the dark as you are."

"And I'm sure your XO being with him was a coincidence that had nothing to do with this!" the Turian Councilor spat.

"Ambassador Udina, you have a message from the Asari Consort," Udina's computer alerted.

"Patch it through."

"Ambassador Udina, I am Nelyna, an acolyte of Sha'ira's. The Consort would like to make an appointment to meet with Commander Harris."

The Citadel Council stared at Udina's computer, as if it had uttered blasphemy never heard of before.

"Understood, Nelyna," Udina replied, "I'm in a meeting with the Council right now, but I'll make arrangements or have Commander Harris contact you afterwards."

"Thank you. Nelyna out."

"What the hell?" the Asari Councilor asked, "She doesn't even make appointments to see me!"

"Me either," added the Turian Councilor. The Asari Councilor raised an eyebrow...sort of.

"Norme." The Asari and Turian Councilors stared at the Salarian Councilor.

"Hmm. Let's close ranks for discussion," the Turian Councilor suggested.

Udina gestured to Anderson, and they moved to the other end of the office to give the Council some privacy.

"What are you doing, Ambassador?" Anderson asked.

"Taking pictures," Udina replied. "We are witnessing something that has never happened before in Citadel history. The mighty Council in a group huddle. History is happening before your eyes, David. Great history is about to happen."

"What about General Septimus Oraka? I think the Systems Alliance will be happy to bring him aboard – at least, as a civilian advisor. But I don't think the Turians will let it happen."

Udina placed a hand on Anderson's shoulder. "David, the Turians have a thousand years on us in terms of space warfare. General Oraka just _freely turned in one of the longest military records in the universe to join the Systems Alliance_. I've heard him speak before; he does not lack for values."

Anderson nodded. "They probably think he's old and useless. Past his prime."

"Exactly. He's probably been beached and relegated to giving motivational speeches to young Turians."

"So what we really need," Anderson said, "is to get him a command, a real command. And run war games with him."

"David," Udina said, "this man, this Turian, who has suddenly found a new freedom, a new meaning, embodies a lot of what the Alliance is. If you will do your utmost to convince the Alliance Navy to give him a command, I will get the Council off our backs."

"You've got my word." Anderson said. Udina nodded.

"The Turian Councilor seems quite...focused," Anderson said, "Are you sure he'll go after another rabbit?"

"Oh, he already has a rabbit in his sight," Udina replied. "I'll need work with Admiral Hackett to borrow Commander Harris. He has the Council's attention. Look at how they've forgotten Saren already. In fact, I'd lay good money that they'll make Harris a Spectre just so they can get some of their hands on him."

"I'd like to see it, Donnel, but I can't imagine them wanting a human that much."

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><p><strong>Meanwhile, in the Council huddle...<strong>

"WhyisOrakajoiningAlliance?"

"No Turian has ever turned his back on his people before. This is unheard of!"

"Heardofnow. WhatwereOraka'sduties?"

"He is – was – the face of the Turian Fleet."

"Which means he was giving motivational speeches to young Turians and attanding political functions."

"Umm..yes. Pretty mu- that's beside the point! Every Turian military graduate for the last hundred fifty _years_ knows General Oraka! He's been the ideal Turian commander for centuries! If it gets out that he's joining the Alliance -"

"oh, it's out. The news message is impossible to stop now."

"- we could have a stampede of personnel joining the Alliance!"

"Query. Turiansnotdistrusthumans?"

"It is we – the older, wiser Turians – who distrust humanity. The younger ones, they don't care. We can't let this...this human...run around encouraging people to join the Alliance."

"It is a disturbing thing to see the Asari Consort so disturbed from her position as to make an appointment! Instead of sending him a message to make an appointment!"

"Assassinationnotrecommended. Harristoowellknown."

"The problem is, Commander Harris serves and represents the Systems Alliance."

"Problemis:Harrisservesandrepresents_only_SystemsAlliance."

"What do you mean?"

"MakeCommanderHarrisSpectre. Isgreathonor,youknow? Harristhenserve/representCouncil."

"Can you slow down? My brain hurts."

"Islikethat. Brainhurtswhencan'tshootproblems."

"What?"

"Nothingnevermind. BacktoHarris."

"He is suggesting we make Commander Harris a Spectre, so that your youngbloods see Harris as a Spectre, not a member of the Alliance."

"Huh? That still went by fast. No Harris – I mean, no human – should be a Spectre. It's too soon."

"If your Turians see him as a Spectre, you may have a surge of Turians joining the Spectres instead of the Alliance, is what we're saying."

"Oh. That makes sense."

The Salarian Councilor sighed while tapping his foot impatiently. Sometimes, he thought, the Turians and the Asari really needed Councilors who were faster on the uptake.

"And it lets us give him missions."

"Suicide missions? I hope?"

"Suicidemissionsoftenpublic."

"What?"

"Nothingnevermind."

"Ambassador Udina?" the Asari Councilor asked as they emerged from their historic huddle.

"Yes?" Udina and Anderson approached the Council.

"After much deliberation, we, the Galactic Council, confer on Commander Harris the title and position of Spectre," the Asari Councilor said solemnly.

Udina kept his eyes on the Council, but held out his hand to Anderson, whose eyes also never left the Council as he smiled as dropped credits in Udina's hand.

"What's that?" the Turian Councilor asked.

"Nothing. Go on."

"Furthermore, we would like Commander Harris to – what?" The Turian Councilor asked as Udina raised his hand.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, Councilor, but Commander Harris has not yet declared he would accept the title and position of Spectre. Until he confirms that he does, he is only a member of the Alliance Navy. All requests to him or for him would have to go through his chain of command – I'm sure you're familiar with similar structures – in the Alliance Navy. Even I could not give Commander Harris orders or missions."

"Nobody has ever refused an offer to become Spectre."

Anderson turned to Udina, somehow keeping a straight face. "Ambassador, please assist me in making sure Commander Harris does not become aware of that statement...or at least, not until after he has made his decision."

"I'll do my best to help, Captain."

"He would reject it if he thought we were certain he would not reject it?" asked the Asari Councilor.

"We of the human military are a dichotomy, or an oxymoron, if you prefer," Anderson explained. "We reward conformance and predictability, yet we also favor the officer who is unpredictable and obtains surprise."

"Can you ensure that Commander Harris accepts this honor?" the Turian Councilor asked.

"As long as Commander Harris is assigned to me, I can give him orders. But I can give him no orders concerning any duty he takes outside of his assignment as my personnel."

"It's almost irritating, but you humans do have your military straight," the Turian Councilor admitted.

"LetusknowHarrisdecision," the Salarian Councilor interjected, "Westillgoodtomorrownight?"

Udina nodded. "7pm. Flux."

The Council left the Alliance Embassy. The Turian Councilor walked quickly away towards his own office.

"What was that about?" the Asari Councilor asked the Salarian Councilor. "Do you have a date?"

The Salarian snorted. "Hah! Notattractedtomales. Notattractedtohumans. Shortlivedspeciesdon'thavetimetobuildexperience. Practicepoliticsafterhours."

"What kind of politics?"

"Deadly. Notforfaintofheart. Norlightofpurse. Nearlywentbrokeatfirst. Nowmuchbetter. Hadtolearntolearnfaster."

The Asari Councilor stared as the Salarian shuddered at the memory of his early days in the "politics practice".

"What in the galaxy could be that bad?"

"Pokernight."

"Can I join?"

"Ifyouwant,yes. Willtearyouapartlikehobo-oncrateofSerrianIceBrandy. DinKorlackisjustmean. Udina,scariestpokerfaceinallgalaxy." He shuddered again.

"Oh. Maybe not, then." The Asari Councilor opened her omnitool. "Note to secretary: tomorrow, make a request to Udina for a personal appointment with Commander Harris. Logout."

"AppointmentwithHarris? Whatfor?"

The Asari Councilor smiled. "The Asari Consort has seen something in him she has never seen before in all her time here. I need to find out what."

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><p>AN: Thank you for reading! Appreciate any commentssuggestions for improvement.

Particularly, I'd like to know if the huddle scene worked - that is, if it was possible to understand who was saying what. I would appreciate input on that.

Thanks!


	3. Chapter 3

**Half-Baked Ideas: Xander on Eden Prime (Mass Effect)**

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><p>Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams slowly uncurled from the near-fetal position she had fallen in. She slowly raised her head above the lip of the shallow hole she had thrown herself into when the geth platoon chasing her came around the corner and started firing.<p>

There had been a lot of firing and explosions.

Now it was quiet.

Now there was a lot of smoke and a solitary figure standing in the middle of a lot of geth bodies. It was a human! A man!

He wore Onyx military armor and had a shotgun in his right hand. Contrary to miltary regs, he had a pistol in his left hand and was shooting each downed geth once with it. Ashly wondered if it was safe for her to stand.

The man holstered his pistol and raised a hand to his helmet.

"Nihlus, Harris here. Find anything?"

"Me? Nah. Found geth." He kicked over one of the dragon's teeth that had a human body on it. "No. No survivors so far." He removed the body from the geth artifact. "Slow? Well, I'm not the one that's gonna look stupid for getting shot because he didn't put a helmet on! You Turians all think your face can stop small weapons fire!"

The man looked around, finally spotting Ashley. "Nihlus? I found a survivor. Military. I'll get back to you. Out."

The man approached Ashley. He held out his left hand to her.

"Come with me if you want to live."

Ashley's mouth dropped open. What?

The man laughed at her expression. "Don't worry. I've just been dying to use that expression for years. You ok?"

His radio cackled. "_Commander Harris, Alenko here. The _Normandy_'s about to touch down_."

"Excellent. Get Jenkins up to the med bay and bring me back some wheels."

_"Captain Anderson says there's no real distance."_

"It's not the wheels I want, Alenko, it's the guns."

_"The Captain doesn't like how you laugh when you have the guns."_

"Hey, it's not for me. It's for the survivors, and how there may be more of them if we can get to them faster with bigger guns."

_"No argument there, sir. I'll push the Captain for that. Alenko out."_

"Yes!" The man pumped his fist and turned back to Ashley. "I'm Xander Harris with the _Normandy_. I'm on a mission and can't really do a tour right now, but do you want to tag with me until we find your unit, command post, or other survivors?"

Ashley looked around once more at the numerous geth bodies. "I'm Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams of the 212, Commander." She saluted. "I'll go with you and watch your back, if you don't mind. Sir."

"Gunnery Chief?" Xander saluted her back and grinned. "Ooh, you're going to like what we're doing next."

* * *

><p>"MWAHAHAHA!" Ashley screamed as she held the trigger down on the Mako's chain gun and pounded the trigger for the big gun like her life depended on it. "DIE, BITCHES!"<p>

Xander floored the Mako down the trenchlike valley. Kaidan Alenko was looking unpleasantly green but held on for dear lunch.

* * *

><p>Spectre Nihlus Kryik grumbled as he inspected the outpost. Damn helmet. Damn human for shaming him into wearing it.<p>

Nothing there, what's around these crates?

"Saren?" Nihlus was surprised to see the Turian Spectre.

Saren turned, surprised. "Nihlus."

"What are you doing here?"

Saren placed a hand on Nihlus' shoulder, then walked behind him. "The Council thought you could use some help on this one."

"The Council knew about this?"

Saren drew his pistol. "No, I just suck at making things up." He fired.

The shot took out half of Nihlus' shields. Nihlus whipped around to face Saren, whose second shot took out the rest of Nihlus' shields and bounced off his helmet. As Nihlus brought his assault rifle up to shoot Saren, Saren's third shot took him in the chest.

Nihlus fell back, landing awkwardly against some crates. He still had his rifle, but had to bring it up again!

BANG!

Saren's fourth shot would have taken off Nihlus' head, but a concussion round impacted Saren's armor and knocked him head over heels into another set of crates.

"Blughah." Saren shook his head, his armor's shield systems screaming at him. He stood up shakily and began to raise his pistol again when something caught his eye.

"VARRENSHIT!" Saren swore and dove for cover as a chain gun tore apart the place he was just standing. He poked his head out to see if he could get a last clear shot at Nihlus.

When he saw the Mako's big gun aimed at him and speaking its piece, he turned and ran like a space hamster from a pack of varren.

The Mako drove up onto the platform close to Nihlus. Xander got out and ran over to him.

"Nihlus! You alive?"

Nihlus wheezed. "Hurts to breathe...Saren...a Spectre...shot me."

Xander raised a hand to his helmet. "Xander to Normandy. Joker, I need a medical team down. Nihlus is shot and needs emergency assistance. No, it's not my fault! He went to scout ahead!...Get to the spaceport? On our way. Harris out."

"Commander, I've given Nihlus all the medigel we've got," Kaidan informed Xander.

"Good work," Xander replied. "Help me get him on the Mako. Nihlus, we'll try and keep you comfortable, you try and keep awake and alive, ok?"

"If he can sit up and hold a trigger, he could share the turret with me," Ashley suggested. "It's _very_ therapeutic."

* * *

><p>Captain Anderson entered the med bay. "Doctor Chakwas? Any results?"<p>

Dr. Chakwas straightened up from inspecting Xander. "They're not going to die yet, Captain. Commander Harris' readings are relatively normal for unconsciousness. Alenko and...ah, yes, Williams seemed to be recovering from involuntary vomiting and motion sickness and are resting under light sedation to help their systems recover."

"Did the beacon have anything to do with that?"

"I'm not sure. Williams was white as a sheet and all Alenko would say was 'No! Can't drive there! Can't drive there!'"

"What about Nihlus?"

"His wound is clean and bandaged. It's hard to say, but he appears to have worsened slightly."

Anderson looked intensely concerned. "In what way? How?"

"The shot went through one of his lungs. He...has been experiencing...an irregular breathing problem which is not helping him at all."

"What sort of problem?" Anderson asked.

Chakwas sighed. "He's been laughing. He's down to giggling now, but it's still not good for his lung."

* * *

><p>AN: Thank you for reading! I appreciate any commentssuggestions for improvement.

I'm having a hard time figuring out if I'm getting the feel of the story right, if the characters are in character, if it's even funny (everything in my head seems seems a lot funnier around 2:00a.m.). At the moment, I have not figured out how Xander would get to the ME universe.


End file.
